


Hollow

by immortalpoptart



Series: Nothing Is Wrong With Me [2]
Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Eddie has depression in this one, F/M, M/M, are u proud, i made it sad and then made it gay, tw for suicidal thoughts and self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 05:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalpoptart/pseuds/immortalpoptart
Summary: Eddie grew up with a hollow cavity in his chest, it made living difficult.





	Hollow

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all!! So, this one is a bit heavy as it deals with self harming and depression, so please be warned before you proceed further!
> 
> Beta'd by the amazing Skyrah!

Dissatisfaction with himself was the constant, recurring villain in Eddie’s life. The one that refused to give up even if it was beaten to a pulp and bleeding out. It started with the death of his mother, the constant dismissive nature of his father and that gaping, hollow cavity in his heart that could never really be healed. It never truly disappear no matter how much he smiled. By twelve years old, he’d gone almost completely numb, breaking apart every few months after an argument with his father or if Mary, his sister, had gone too far with her teasing.

The first time he took a blade to his wrist and watched the copper scented liquid drip down his pale skin into the porcelain sink and the drain, he finally felt something: a satisfaction of some sort. He didn’t do it often, maybe once or twice a month, but it was enough to stop that hollow cavity in his chest from swallowing him once again and making him numb again. Of course, he knew it wasn’t healthy or safe, but he would try anything that would work; his father refused to listen to his issues or even pay attention to him in the slightest to notice the small slices decorating his arm.

In high school, it got worse. Sure, he fit in well. He was always with the popular kids. He was even on the football team and writing for the school paper, and for a while he thought he could stop cutting. Maybe that cavity would go away now that he laughed again, now that he was successful. It worked for an entire semester, and then the flood gates broke open again, that numbness and dissatisfaction enveloping him, unable to sit in the present moment without wanting to cry and scream his heart out, but nothing ever came.

So, it continued. Growing from months to weeks at a time, but it helped. Eddie got asked about the scars, and he would always say he had an accident with some glass, or some other excuse to cover up the true reason he could keep smiling and laughing. Then, the arguments with his father started to increase, and the isolation from his sister made him empty and ridden with grief, so he started to turn to cutting as a form of punishment instead of relief, something he thought- no _knew_ he deserved.

Once Eddie moved off to college, his father’s dissatisfaction became bearable, but the cavity in his chest didn’t. It only became so when he started to date Anne.

Anne helped more than Eddie could ever imagine; it made Eddie realize many things about himself too. Being neglected as a child, he didn't get the affection, touch, or nurturing he needed as a child to grow up happy. Eddie stopped turning to the blade when he was with Anne, because she offered healthier alternatives to mending that cavity in Eddie’s chest, and it felt much better than it ever did.

Then it all came crashing down, dragging Eddie back down into that hollow cavity. His career ripped away from him like a rug being tugged out from under him. Anne’s ring was tucked backed into his pocket, sending his mental state crumbling as he struggled to move the boxes of everything he owned into that shitty apartment downtown. Almost five years he hadn’t broke the skin on his arm, but as Eddie sat in the empty, box filled apartment, the tears spilled, and agony ripped through his heart, it made it unbearable to experience.

Scrambling up, he tore into the box that had been labeled ‘bathroom’ and rummaged through it, desperately looking for a razor. 

_"This is all my fault,"_ thought Eddie as he dug through the box. _"I'm just a screw up: I can't get anything right no matter how hard I try, I'm a nobody; Dad was right. I'm just a pathetic wimp who looked to a blade for release."_

Fishing out a razor blade successfully, Eddie scrambled to the kitchen and rolled up his sleeves, pressing the blade into his skin and dragging it horizontally across his flesh, watching the blood drip down into the metallic sink, soft drips echoing in the vacant apartment. The tears mixed in with the blood, smearing the copper scented liquid and thinning it out.

The blade clattered into the sink and Eddie looked down at his arm in horror. What had he done? 

Eddie’s hand shook, and he ran his fingers through his hair, the blood dripping down onto his sleeve, but it didn’t matter at the moment. Eddie had done so well for years, and he just sent himself back down into the rabbit hole. This was really bad. He knew it was bad, but it didn’t stop him; it was one of the only ways he could wash down the guilt and repress that cavity.

 

Visiting Anne had really been the push Eddie needed to do something as stupid as break into the Life Foundation, knowing that the one woman he cherished more than anything didn’t want anything to do with him, and he couldn’t blame her. Eddie had been responsible for her being fired He had broke her trust, and he fucked up again just like his father always told him he did.

Twisting the ring in his fingers as he leaned on the side of the bridge, Eddie tossed all logic outside the window as he dialed in Dora’s number and she spoke to him. Eddie couldn’t go back now, especially when he was laid down in the back seat of Dora’s car and she drove into the parking lot of the Life Foundations. 

What really irked Eddie, however, was the constant flashing of Maria’s lifeless eyes gazing into his own, lively eyes as he scrambled up and the alarms in the facility blared, ringing in his ears as the adrenaline pumped through his veins. The guilt grew with the death of Maria. It was his fault that he didn’t look out for her more, and that he didn’t give her the shelter she needed when he had the space. He could’ve helped her and Maria could still be alive. 

But that was just his life: a big, monumental screw up. 

 

The two days he spent with Venom were beyond chaotic and stressful, from climbing into a lobster tank to stopping an alien invasion; it was pretty insane. But even with the situation usually not in his favour and Venom’s constant talking, Eddie no longer felt that hollow cavity in his chest. 

Sure, it was a complete nuisance to have your apartment trashed, get into a car chase, have your ass claimed by an alien, have said alien removed only to have it make out with you in the woods hours later, and then you two had to save the world. It was almost batshit crazy that Eddie missed Venom’s constant nagging, but now that cavity was bigger than ever. 

He kept remembering Venom’s last words before the water dragged his body into this salty, cold prison that seemed to linger despite being curled in the sheets of his heated apartment. It was all Eddie’s fault; he ends up hurting everyone he dares to try and love, and it always spits back in his face. 

Mindlessly tracing the creases in the sheets, Eddie exhaled shakily, curling his knees to his chest and letting the cavity control his thoughts. He felt nothing and everything at once, the guilt and pain, the numbness, the inability to cry. It was there. 

Eddie sat up slowly and lazily pushing himself up off the bed and walking into his washroom. He stood in front of the sink, hands gripping the sides as if he were going to collapse any second if he didn’t have support. Eddie’s gaze wandered up to the mirror, and he was met with the disappointment that was him.

It’s all his fault. This trashy, worthless waste of human life was staring back at him in the mirror when he should’ve been floating in the middle of the San Francisco Bay, a lifeless corpse that meant nothing to the world in life or death. At least if Eddie died, he could’ve had a chance to save Venom; maybe he would’ve been worth something if he had done so. It was pathetic to see him reflecting on what could have been, what he didn’t do because he was a coward and a screw up. 

Eddie pulled open the medicine cabinet with force, fumbling around for that razor blade again, which was easy to find. Rolling up his sleeves and shutting the cabinet door, Eddie wastes no time into piercing into his pale flesh, the man that deserved to die and rot, the worthless man that should’ve taken Venom’s place.

Moving up one more, Eddie went to create another wound, but felt his hand stop forcefully before it could touch his skin. It was as if something had control over his muscles, and a brief flare of hope ignited in him, but that was quickly washed away as Eddie reminded himself that he killed Venom It was his fault for feeling like this. 

**What are you doing?**

The loud shout startled Eddie, and the razor blade clattered into the porcelain sink as the yelp escaped his throat. The blood from the one successful wound dripped down his wrist, and a low rumble was heard in the back of Eddie’s mind. 

**You dumbass! Why are you cutting into your own flesh? Do you lack self preservation?**

Eddie gapped, mouth hung open. “V-Venom?” 

**Of course, who else would it be? Tell us why you were hurting yourself immediately!**

Eddie felt tears prickle in the corner of his eyes. “You’re losing your mind, Brock, you killed him. He isn’t coming back.” 

Another low rumble rippled through Eddie’s mind before Eddie was met face to face with a mouthful of sharp teeth and those beautiful opal eyes. Eddie clamped a hand over his mouth and the tears began to spill, streaks trailing down his cheeks and tickling his skin. 

**“We are very much alive! Now you will answer our question, Eddie! Why were you hurting yourself?”** Venom growled. Eddie dropped his hand and then his head, hanging in shame and refusing to look at Venom. Surely Venom knew that Eddie was responsible for his temporary death and all the pain Eddie had caused. He had to know how big of a fuck up he was and how he wasn’t worth all the trouble Venom went to for protecting Eddie’s worthless carcass. 

Something soft curled under his chin and lifted his head up. Eddie’s fists clenched at his side as the tears continued to spill. Venom’s gaze seemed to soften as all these thoughts were tossed around in Eddie’s mind. 

**“Do you think so little of yourself?”** Venom asked, his deep voice coming out softly and gently as he met eyes with Eddie.

Eddie shrugged. “Those are the facts. Always have been.” 

Venom let out what Eddie interpreted as something between a whimper and a growl, Venom producing more tendrils that curled around Eddie’s arms and torso, pulling the man closer to the symbiote. 

**“Those are blatant lies that you simply have tricked yourself into believing. We chose you for a reason, and that is simply because you are perfect for us. There is no Venom without you, Eddie. You are the one who completes us,”** said Venom, Eddie’s bottom lip quivering as he inhaled a shaky breath, trying not to cry even more.

“I’m not perfect, V,” said Eddie, slowly drawing in another reassuring breath so he wouldn’t choke on his words. “I don’t know how I got you thinking that, but it’s far from the truth. I don’t deserve anyone, and I especially don’t deserve you.” 

Venom growled and the tendrils coiled around Eddie tightened. **“You are the biggest idiot in the galaxy! We have our flaws, you have your flaws, but together we can make amends to those! We chose you for a reason, because we only want perfection!”**

Eddie snorted in amusement. “I don’t know how you thought I was perfect, since I’m the definition of a waste of space and valuable atoms.”

The tendrils grew tighter and began to grow uncomfortable. **“You are no such things! We chose the best there could ever be, and that is you!”**

Eddie rolled his eyes. “What makes you jump to that conclusion? A depressed, sweaty disaster with a track record of ruining every single relationship he has is not exactly the best.”

 **“Because we love you, Eddie!”** Venom shrieked, a heavy silence falling over the room as Eddie’s eyes widened in shock and the tears stopped gliding down his cheeks. Venom’s tendrils loosened around Eddie and disappeared, along with Venom himself. For once in his life, Eddie was at a loss of words. 

Venom loves him? That was the furthest conclusion Eddie could ever come to. An alien was in love with him. An alien that had millions of years of experience and somehow chose the worthless Eddie Brock as someone to fall in love with? This baffled Eddie, and then the guilt hit him. 

He made Venom upset; he forced him to confess and now Eddie had fucked up yet another relationship in his life. God, if he had just shut up for once and had been grateful to be alive, he wouldn’t have fucked up like he always did. 

**Eddie, we are not mad. You did not ruin anything.**

Eddie highly doubted that, so he kept silent as Venom curled inside Eddie. 

**When we came here, we only wanted to destroy and consume, to follow Riot into glory. We have always dreamed of a perfect symbiosis, but it is not right to think such things on Klyntar. We only felt pain and anger and fear before, but you found us, and we felt at peace for the first time. Never have we felt that. We were always shunned by the other Klyntar and told we were foolish. We were not sure if you were the one at first, but the first moment you said ‘we’ had convinced us. We do not know anything about human customs in romance, but we would like to find out with you. But we want to help Eddie; we want to help you love yourself as we love you!**

Eddie was crying again, this time out of relief and happiness. “Jesus, you’re the biggest fucking sap.” 

Venom purred in response, letting Eddie know that it was true and that it wasn’t going to stop any time soon, causing Eddie to erupt into shrill giggles. Venom was content with this, seeing Eddie happy made him happy, and he felt now was the time to curl several tendrils around Eddie’s fingers in the form of a hand. A soft smile danced across Eddie’s lips and gave the hand a squeeze.

**Will you let us help you? We want you to be happy, or at least content in life. If you do not wish for us to be romantically involved, we understand.**

Eddie shook his head. “No, I’m, uh, willing to give that a shot. But making me happy? That’s far from being a real thing.” 

**We will make it real, Eddie. Happiness can exist anywhere if you look hard enough.**

Eddie hummed thoughtfully. “Okay, let’s give this a shot.”

 

Eddie knew that the day wasn’t going to go anywhere the moment he woke up and felt nothing inside. His emotions were dimmed to an all time low as he lay there in wake and simply let out a pathetic sigh. This wasn’t uncommon in the past, but with Venom, things had been getting better over the past couple months Eddie was coping properly with his numbness, but today seemed to just beat him down. 

He didn’t want to go through another day of this, of feeling nothing at all as he pushed himself to do the tedious work that didn’t actually make a difference in life, just kept him going because he was selfish and self absorbed. Eddie’s fingers curled into a fist and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to push the present moment out of his sight. 

He didn’t want to do anything today, wasn’t that funny? The man who was an impulsive idiot wanted to lay in bed and wither away like the worthless human being he was. 

**Eddie, what is wrong?**

Shit, he’d done it again. His thoughts must’ve been too loud and he’d gotten Venom’s attention, now was the moment where he swept all those thoughts deep into his subconscious and bit his lip nervously as he prayed that Venom wouldn’t pick up on those thoughts. Then again, luck was never really on his side. 

**We do not keep secrets, Eddie. Tell us.**

Eddie shrugged, hugging himself closely as he lay there, trying to bury his nasty emotions from Venom and hoping that the subject would be dropped soon enough. Venom didn’t deserve someone who could barely function, someone who couldn’t even get out of bed because he didn’t feel like it, someone that let the numbness take over. 

A soft rumble was heard in Eddie’s thoughts, feeling something soft nuzzling the crook of his neck and several tendrils wrapping around his torso, making Eddie shudder at the touch and curl in, attempting to lean into it. Venom purred, something that soothed Eddie, knowing that Venom was there and with him always, and the tendrils rubbing his skin in circular, comforting manners. Eddie felt himself give out a pleasant hum of satisfaction. Venom took this opportunity to curl several tendril around Eddie’s fingers, then bring them up to Eddie’s lips and Eddie gave both of their hands a soft, gentle kiss. 

**Would never choose anyone else. We are Venom and we are perfect no matter what. We are here and never going to leave you, Eddie. Sleep. We will keep you company.**

Eddie’s eyelids grew heavy and he closed them, chest rising softly and slowly. For the first time in a very long time, Eddie felt at peace and satisfied as he drifted off into a blissful rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, hope y'all enjoyed!  
> Follow me on tumblr: celinethotwrong  
> Follow me on twitter: immortal_poppy


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